The End is Near
The Beginning of the End
I suppose that when most people start something, they tend to start at the very beginning. That seems like the most logical place, and most would agree, when starting things like blogs in which you share your lives with strangers via social media, you start with a “Hello.” I forgot to read that on Pinterest, so I am jumping in and acting like we have known each other for years. Cool?
Grab a couch, put your feet up, let me grab ya some sweet tea and we shall begin.
Ever see those sandwich boards? You know the ones with a man dressed in robes and a long beard walking a sidewalk and ringing a bell? The board screams “THE END IS NEAR!” No one that passes him is paying attention. We all assume he is trying to warn others of the last days before the Apocalypse, but what if we are wrong? What if he is merely trying to sell a house?
Recently my husband accepted a job in another city in another state. The job itself is tremendous for him, a big promotion, a larger paycheck for our family, and of course, there is the part where we will be living by the ocean. All of this doesn’t negate the fact we will be leaving our big Texas home. In South Texas, we have made a home, a life, and for the first time, we have put down real roots. Our son was born here, our daughter has grown up here, and we have friends who are family. Needless to say, our roots run deep and are in the Lonestar shape. When he decided to take this job that would uproot us, I would love to say I supported him.
Truth be told………… I threw a massive hissy fit.
Six years, three dogs, one lizard, two babies and an entire community we love has made this place feel more like home than anywhere else we have lived. On the outside, I cheered him on and congratulated him on getting this new job. On the inside, I became that kid at Walmart crying in the aisles at an ear-piercing level. We have spent most of the summer of 2016 fixing up our home to sell, and it has killed me. This home is our dream home. A spacious place with large rooms and room to grow. It is what I have wanted and the vision in my head of what my house would be like.
And we are leaving it.
Angels and the Lost Ark
Usually, in a post such as this, some revelation comes, and angels are singing and woodland creatures via Disney come bursting through the woods while a wise old owl gives you advice and then we all sing a song.
But that is not what happened.
Remember that whole me being an emotional toddler? Yeah, for 6 weeks I have cried randomly, and been in a crummy mood, and just been awful to live with. It’s a good thing my husband loves me because I have not made it easy on him. Someone will mention a friends name, and I will burst into tears, or I’ll be angry all day for no real reason, or I’m sobbing in the corner with a sippy cup, a thumb, and my blanket.
I have been a joy!!!
Many times, my husband has come home from work and tentatively given me a look as if questioning which wife he will get today…… the normal one or the Raiders of the Lost Ark version that will melt his face.
A week ago, a home stager came in and went through my entire house and told me how unfit it is. Okay, really she was there to do a job and make it appeal to a broad audience, but in my mind….. she was attacking me. I was told it was too personal and too feminine, and I basically had to take out everything and make it look like we didn’t live there, but we did, but we had to stage it like we didn’t, but live in it. I felt like that moment on the sitcom Friends where Joey is standing there between Rachel and Phoebe and the girls are saying “but they don’t know we know they know we know.” Here I will mention that like most Texans, I believe that Joanna Gaines and I are destined to be best friends. I had always styled my home in farmhouse style, even before it was fashionable. Orrrrr I could be truthful and say that we really don’t have a budget for home decor so I go to flea markets and salvage shops and Salvation Army and turn what used to be into what I can use. The realtor came in to take new photos, and that is when the line in the sand was drawn. You see, I like to fill my home with items from my family and things that make me happy, so imagine my surprise when the realtor and I get into it over the chicken feeder on my coffee table.
It went down like this.
A Chicken Coop Standoff
She was going around my home, telling me where to declutter and what items to place where. She wants to be helpful and wants to sell my house. I mean come on, when you work on commission, you work hard. But to me, the fact I was not a happy participant and given my weeks of foot stomping and pouting, I was not in the mood to be messed with. When taking photos of the rooms, she takes the feeder out and adds it to a pile going into a storage unit. I see her do this and in my infinite wisdom, I take it gently from the table she put it on, and set it back on the coffee table. “No dear,” she says “It needs to go in storage and only candlesticks here.” She is moving the chicken feeder back to the pile for storage when I again pick it up and again place it on the coffee table, this time I look right at her as I do this. She looks up at me and says “Sweetie, move that to the….”
“No!” I can feel the anger rising up “No, it stays. I’m not putting it in storage, I’m not moving it. It stays. I draw the line at the chicken feeder.”
I DRAW THE LINE AT THE CHICKEN FEEDER
Who says that? Who in their right mind says no to a rusted out galvanized poultry feed container?
I did. I just couldn’t take the changes any longer. We stood there like two ladies in some bad Wild West show, about to shoot at 20 paces.
It is Texas, that may not have been that far fetched.
You see, I couldn’t get over my own self and out of my own way to understand that this wasn’t about me. She quietly turned and took photos off the wall and continued on her way, not wanting to fight over something so trivial. I was left standing there to wallow in my hollow victory.
We do this, don’t we? We have businesses we want to start and places we want to go and dreams that we have a vision for and hopes that give us wings. Instead of just accepting advice from others who are trying to help us out, we tug and push and pull against them, convinced that their way is not the way. We draw lines in the sand over trivial things and those lines soon become walls we can not climb over. Not because we don’t know the way over, but because we refuse to let our stubbornness and pride resolve itself and leave us.
After this standoff, after I cooled off and felt silly later that night, I had a thought. What if, instead of fighting this move, I just accepted it? What would happen if I just started looking up fun things to do as a family in Florida and started looking forward to being together instead of pitching fits? What would happen if I actually said these words “Bless the family that comes through these doors. Bless them and let this be a safe place, a loving home.”
What would happen if I stopped being a miserable cow?
Once I stopped; once I quit fighting and let the fact we were moving sink in, the dams burst of folks wanting to see the house. Each day since I walked through my home with frankincense and anointed the doorposts (I mean if it was good enough for the old testament……), we have had several showings a day. We are closer to selling our home each time someone sees the house. That was the whole point, to begin with, to let go and let God.
I wonder, what would happen if we all just let go. What if we all just stopped focusing on the hardest things and start focusing on the actual goal? What would happen if we stopped listening to voices that say we can’t and turn to those that say we can? What would happen if we listened to wise council instead of gossips? What would happen if we inhaled tacos and exhaled negativity?
I think we all would find that the line we have drawn in the sand is easily crossed. The end IS near folks……… the end of negativity. But you have to be willing to let go of it first.
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